6. Pray with the inquirer to encourage and fortify his or her resolve.
Billy Graham comments: "Complete fulfillment in marriage can never be realized outside the life in Christ. It is written in the Bible that Christ came into the world to destroy the works of the devil. Christ's power over the devil is available to the Christian, and the destroyer of the ideal home can only be put to flight through the power of Christ."
Scripture
"We must obey God rather than men!" (Acts 5:29, NIV).
"How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!" (Hebrews 9:14, NIV).
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. . . . For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. . . . Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. . . . But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander" (1 Peter 3:1–2, 5, 7–8, 15–16, NIV).
MARRIAGE PROBLEMS
Background
When two lives are bonded together in a long-term intimate relationship, there is bound to be an occasional problem. Many couples go into marriage with very little preparation. Sometimes they lack the emotional maturity, stability, or flexibility which a successful union must have.
What are the components of a good marriage?
• Mutual respect. Respect means that each partner accepts the other partner as he or she is, not trying to manipulate but unselfishly nourishing the partner in such a way that he or she may become the person God intended. Respect distinguishes between the ideal and the real, and does not demand too much: "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33, NIV).
• Genuine commitment. The marriage vow says, "Forsaking all others." The Bible says, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). Time and experience in marriage reveal that being "one flesh" does not mean an abdication of personality or personal rights. Rather, it is a fulfillment of those things.
• Good communication. For genuine communication, there must be an understanding of the emotional, mental, and physical differences between men and women. There must be companionship. "I'd rather be with my spouse than with anyone else." There must be conversation, not only a discussion of differences when such arise, but a meaningful exchange on the intellectual and emotional levels.
• Time and effort. Love must be given the opportunity to mature. The climate for this is set in God's Word. When the going gets rough, a couple doesn't just "fall out of love"; they stay together and work things out. They do not consider themselves as martyrs of a "bad bargain," but "heirs together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33, NIV).
Problems and differences are resolved through forgiveness: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).