Severe Trials in Early Orphan Work, 1838–1843 (part 3 of 6)

May 6th. This evening I received £10 for the Orphans, and £10 for the Infants' School, which we are on the point of opening. Before our little stock is quite exhausted, the Lord has thus kindly sent a fresh supply. Thus also my prayer is answered in being able to give to two of the sisters in the Orphan Houses some money for their personal expenses.

May 8th. There are four believers staying at my house, and to-day we had only a few shillings of our own money left. I gave myself, therefore, to prayer for means for our own personal expenses. In answer to my request, I received this morning £5.

May 16th. The need of to-day, as we were again penniless, led us to open the boxes in the Orphan Houses, in which £2 0s. 2d. was found. There was given 5s. besides. In the evening came in still further a sovereign from a sister, a servant, with the following lines: "The Lord has put it into my heart to send a sovereign to the Orphans. He indeed put it into my heart, which was once at enmity with God, and would have said, lay it by, you may want it when you are old; but then I could not look towards heaven and say, I know my Heavenly Father will supply all my need; neither could I say: 'Abba, Father,' for I knew Him not."

May 27th. This morning the LAST COALS were used in the Infants' Orphan House, and in the Boys' Orphan House there were ONLY ENOUGH FOR TO-DAY, and there was no money in hand to buy more. In this our need T. P. C. sent a load of coals. How kind of the Lord! A plain proof that not in displeasure, but only for the trial of our faith we are allowed to be so poor.

Evening. The Lord has had mercy! A person bought some days since several articles, which had been given to be sold for the benefit of the Orphans, and owed £6 15s. This morning I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring the money, or a part of it, as we were in such need. Just as I was going to meet for prayer with my fellow-labourers this afternoon, he came and brought £4. But our kind Father showed us still further to-day that only for the trial of our faith He had for a season withheld supplies; for there was given this evening with Eccles. 9:10, £5. But there is one thing more to be recorded respecting this day, as precious or more be than what has been said: I was to-day informed that the Lord has begun to stir up several of the boys to care about their souls.

June 17th. Only 4s. has come in, by children's needlework. This is all we have, to meet the need of to-day, except 2s. 6d., which I found in the box in my house, which our poverty led me to open. Evening. The Lord has had mercy upon us. A sister, to whom some time since some money was left, and whom the Lord has made willing to lay it all out in His service, having received a small part of what is coming to her, brought £5 10s. 6d. of it this afternoon for the Orphans. There came in still further this evening £2.

For several days past I had been very poor in reference to my own temporal necessities, as well as in reference to the Orphans. To-day we were especially poor, in both respects; but our kind Father remembered not merely the need of the dear Orphans, but gave me also some money for my own personal expenses. The same sister just referred to, who brought £5 10s. 6d. for the Orphans, brought me also £7 for myself.

June 22nd. To-morrow, the Lord willing, I purpose, with my wife, to accompany to Liverpool three German brethren and the five German sisters, who purpose to sail from thence for India. Under these circumstances, it is desirable to leave at least a little money behind. This desire of my heart the Lord has granted; for this morning D. C. gave me £5. In the evening a sister, who has left Bristol to-day, sent me by her mother £5, having particularly requested her to let me have the money to-day, as she knew that I was going away tomorrow.

This evening we had a special missionary prayer meeting, at which the brethren and sisters were commended to the Lord.

June 23rd. This morning we left for Liverpool, where we safely arrived in the evening.

On July 2nd, I accompanied the German brethren and sisters to the vessel. Just before they went on board, brother ——, one of the missionary brethren, gave me £6 10s. for the Orphans. He had sold his plate while at Bristol, considering that, as a servant of Jesus Christ, and as one who desired to preach Jesus to the poor Hindoos, he needed it not. This money was the produce of it, except about £2, which he had spent in purchasing a few books. In giving it to me he said, "The money which we have in the common stock (being altogether £20 for the eight) is enough for us. For some months, while we are on board, we need no money at all, whilst you may lay it out; and when we need more, the Lord will again supply our need. The other brethren and sisters have no money of their own, and I desire likewise to have none. The Lord has laid the Orphans particularly on my heart, and therefore you must not refuse to accept it."—This brother little knew how on that very day I had been repeatedly asking the Lord for means. Truly this was one of the most remarkable ways of obtaining money, as it came from a poor German Missionary, who, in dependence upon the Lord for his temporal supplies, went to the East Indies. I sent off at once £5 of this money to Bristol.

On July 4th I received the following letter from Bristol, dated July 3rd:—

My dear Brother,

"The last account I sent you left us in the greatest poverty. We had sufficient, it is true, for the time then present; but there was no money to take in bread with. In the afternoon there was an old riding habit sent for the Orphans, which I sold this morning for 7s. I also sold a few books for 5s., two old silver thimbles and a ring for 1s. 6d.; besides this, 1s. 6d. was sent for Reports; making in all 15s. This purchased dinner for the three houses. At twelve o'clock we met for prayer. We were indeed in great need. There was no money either for bread or milk. The coals in all the three houses were used, and in every other respect the stores were in a low state. We had really wanted nothing, but there was scarcely anything left. Well, while we were in prayer to God, your letter came. One of the sisters opened the door and received it, and after prayer it was given to me. You will be able to conceive the greatness of our joy, on opening it, and finding it to contain £5. I cannot express how much I felt. During the trial I had been much comforted by the Lord sending a little token of His love every day. It just proved that He was mindful of us in our poverty, and that, when His time was come, He would send us an abundance. I think we all felt your absence a little, although not cast down on that account. Money is very precious to those who, like us, so evidently see the HAND and HEART of our Heavenly Father in bestowing it. The sisters send their love to you. "Your affectionate brother, R. B."

On July 17th I returned to Bristol.

August 13th. Yesterday there was given a collection of shells which was sold to-day, and supplied the necessities of this day, with an addition of 10s. which a brother gave last evening, and 4s. was taken out of the box in the Infants' Orphan House.

August 15th. There was to-day the greatest poverty in all the three houses; all the stores were very low, as the income throughout the week had been so small. In addition to this it was Saturday, when the wants are nearly double, in comparison with other days. At least £3 was needed to help us comfortably through the day; but there was nothing towards this in hand. My only hope was in God. The very necessity led me to expect help for this day; for if none had come, the Lord's name would have been dishonoured. Between twelve and one two sisters in the Lord called on me, and the one gave me £2, and the other 7s. 6d. for the Orphans. With this I went to the Boys' Orphan House about one o'clock, where I found the children at dinner. Brother B. put the following note into my hand, which he was just going to send off:

"Dear Brother,—With potatoes from the children's garden, and with apples from the tree in the play-ground (which apples were used for apple dumplings), and 4s. 6d. the price of some articles given by one of the labourers, we have a dinner. There is much needed. But the Lord has provided and will provide."

There came in still further this day, by sale of Reports, 1s., by the box in the Girls' Orphan House, 1s., by children's needlework, 6s. 6d., by a donation of one of the sisters in the Orphan Houses, 6s. Thus we had this day £3 6s. 6d. to meet all necessities, and are brought to the close of another week.

August 20th. To-day there was not enough money in hand to meet all the demands; but it being known that yesterday several persons had put money into the boxes in the Orphan Houses, they were opened, and found to contain £1 4s. 6d., which was more than sufficient. I would call upon the believing reader to admire the love and wisdom and power of God in ordering it, that persons should come to the Orphan Houses just at the time when there is temporal pressure, and should be influenced to put money into the boxes. These little sums have been often the means of helping us in our greatest need.

August 23rd. Lord's day. As we have often found it to be the case, so it is again now. After the Lord has tried our faith, He, in the love of His heart, gives us an abundance, to show that not in anger, but for the glory of His name, and for the trial of our faith, He has allowed us to be poor. This morning I received from an aged and afflicted servant, £3; and a little afterwards £8 from Q. Q. From another servant 5s.; also 2s. was put anonymously into the box at Bethesda, besides the £1 10s. for rent. Thus the Lord has kindly given to-day £12 17s.

August 29th. Saturday. For many weeks past very little has come in for the other funds. The chief supply has been by the sale of Bibles. Last Saturday I was not able to pay the whole of the weekly salaries of the teachers in the Day Schools, which, however, does not make me a debtor to them, as it is an understood thing, that they have not to look to me for payment, but to the Lord. To-day again only 2s. was in hand, whilst several pounds were needed to pay the salaries. It appeared now plainly to be the will of the Lord that, as all the labourers in the Orphan Houses know about the state of the funds, so the brethren and sisters who labour in the Day Schools should share the trial of faith and the joy of faith with us. Accordingly we all met, and after I had laid on their hearts the importance of keeping to themselves, for the Lord's sake, the state of the funds, we prayed together.

August 30th. Lord's day. To-day the Lord has again bountifully opened His hand for the Orphans. There came in with Ecclesiastes 9:10, £5; from a sister, a servant, 10s.; and for rent £1 10s. Besides this, 10s. 3d. and 2s. 6d. were anonymously put into the box at Bethesda.

September 5th. Saturday. Because there had come in so little during the last days, at least £3 was requisite to supply the need of to-day. There was, however, not one penny in hand when the day commenced. Last evening the labourers in the Orphan Houses, together with the teachers of the Day Schools, met for prayer. This morning one of the teachers, who had a little money of his own, brought £1 5s. 6d. Thus, as we had hoped, we were enabled to provide for the dinner. In the afternoon all of us met again for prayer. Another teacher of the Day Schools gave 2s. 6d., and 1s. came in besides. But all this was not enough. There was no dinner provided for to-morrow, nor was there any money to take in milk tomorrow, and, besides this, a number of other little things were to be purchased, that there might be no real want of anything. Now observe how our kind Father helped us! Between seven and eight this evening a sister, whose heart the Lord has made willing to take on her the service of disposing of the articles which are sent for sale, brought £2 10s. 6d. for some things which came a fortnight ago from Worcester, and last Wednesday from Leeds. The sister stated, that though she did not feel at all well, she had come because she had it so laid on her heart, that she could not stay away.

A precious Secret

September 8th. How kindly has the Lord so ordered it that, for some time past the income for the School Fund should have been so little, in order that thus we might be constrained to let the labourers in the Day Schools share our joys and our trials of faith, which had been before kept from them! But as above two years ago the Lord ordered it so that it became needful to communicate to the labourers in the Orphan Houses the state of the funds, and made it a blessing to them, so that I am now able to leave Bristol, and yet the work goes on, so, I doubt not, the brethren and sisters who are teachers in the Day Schools will be greatly blessed by being thus partakers of our precious secret respecting the state of the funds.

September 9th. Evening. About twelve this morning a brother, a stranger, who is staying near Bristol, came with some of his family to the Orphan Houses. While brother B. was for a few moments out of the room to fetch a key, the visiting brother took the opportunity of secretly putting something into the box at the Boys' Orphan House. Brother B., however, perceived it before he could get away from the box, and, the brother being gone, our great need brought it out, when it was found to be £5. Thus the Lord kindly has provided for the need of to-day and to-morrow. When this money was given we were exceedingly poor. For not only would there have been no means to take in the usual quantity of bread in one of the houses, but there was no money to take in milk in the afternoon in any of the houses. The Lord knew our need, and therefore just now sent this brother.

September 11th. The Lord has sent in still further and more richly for the Orphans. This morning £1 was given to me which had been sent from Trowbridge, and this afternoon a brother who came from Scotland gave me £10, and brought several trinkets. In the afternoon came in £3 by sale of articles.

September 12th. The Lord has sent in still more. This morning there was sent £10 through a banker in London, by the order of a sister at Worcester; and 10s. was put into the box at my house. This has been a week of peculiar mercies, as above £40 has been sent in, besides several articles. We have continued to meet for prayer every morning, from seven to eight.

September 16th. Though during the last week above £40 came in, yet, because the usual expenses for housekeeping were about £15, and because most of the sisters who labour in the Orphan Houses had not had for a long time any money for their own personal necessities, we were the day before yesterday again so poor, that only a few shillings were left. The Lord, knowing this, sent in a little money, and, by a sister from the Isle of Wight, 7 rings, 2 brooches, 2 pins, 1 pair of ear-rings, 2 pairs of studs, all of gold.

September 21st. To-day a brother from the neighbourhood of London gave me £10, to be laid out as it might be most needed. As we have been praying many days for the School, Bible, and Missionary Funds, I took it all for them. This brother knew nothing about our work, when he came three days since to Bristol. Thus the Lord, to show His continued care over us, raises up new helpers.

They that trust in the Lord shall never be confounded! Some who helped for a while may fall asleep in Jesus; others may grow cold in the service of the Lord; others may be as desirous as ever to help, but have no longer the means; others may have both a willing heart to help, and have also the means, but may see it the Lord's will to lay them out in another way;—and thus, from one cause or another, were we to lean upon man, we should surely be confounded; but, in leaning upon the living God alone, we are BEYOND disappointment, and BEYOND being forsaken because of death, or want of means, or want of love, or because of the claims of other work. How precious to have learned in any measure to stand with God alone in the world, and yet to be happy, and to know that surely no good thing shall be withheld from us whilst we walk uprightly.

September 25th. It is now half-past eleven. Nothing has come in as yet. How the Lord will help us through the day is not my care; for sure I am He will help. I am just going to meet with my fellowlabourers for prayer. Perhaps the Lord will again, at the time of the meeting, fill our mouths with praise, as He has done so many times. My soul waits on Him for deliverance! How truly precious to have such a Father as we have!

September 26th. When I went yesterday to the meeting for prayer, I found that some articles, which had come from Leeds, had been sold for 10s. 9d., and that 2s. 6d. had been taken out of the box in the Girls' Orphan House. To this one of the labourers added 10s. of his own. This £1 3s. 3d. supplied all we needed yesterday; but there was now again nothing in hand to meet this day's demands, which I knew would be great, on account of its being Saturday. The Lord, however, remembered our Saturday's necessities, and therefore sent in abundantly, so that we had even more than we needed for to-day, though we required no less than £5. The Lord sent in altogether £8 18s. 1¼d. in the course of the day, whilst it commenced without there being a penny in hand.

October 2nd. Nothing came in yesterday, nor this morning. In addition to this, I was so engaged, that in the afternoon I had not even time to make enquiry how the Lord had helped. Thus it is often that I can do nothing but quietly go on with my engagements, casting all care upon the Lord. When I came home this evening, the first thing that met my eyes was the following letter from a distance of many miles:—

Beloved Brother,

"Five pounds are enclosed as from the Lord, as I believe you stand in need of it for the use of the Orphans.

"Yours affectionately, F. W."

Truly, the Lord, to whom we had spoken yesterday, had spoken for us, and told this brother that we were in need of money. After having read this letter, my eyes met two others. In the one I was informed by a brother, that he had sold two pairs of fire-screens for 8s., and had sent the money. These screens had been for many months in his hands for sale, and now to-day, in this our poverty, a lady came to the shop and bought them. The other letter was from brother B., master of the boys in the Boys' Orphan House, which I give here:—

"I opened the boxes and found 4s. 1½d. in them. This was far from being sufficient. About four o'clock three persons came to the Orphan Houses, and put into the box at the Boys' Orphan House 7s., into the box at the Infants' Orphan House 6s., and into the box at the Girls' Orphan House 7s. Thus I have had in all to divide £1 4s. 1½d., which meets the necessities of the day."

October 7th. There came in £1 14s. 2d. to-day in small donations. It is now five weeks since we have daily met for prayer. The Lord gave us grace to "continue in prayer," and kept our hearts in the assurance that He would help. Now, though He delayed long, before He sent us the answer, in His own time He made it manifest, that He had not only not shut His ear against our prayers in anger, but that He had answered them even before we called; for there was sent to-day, from the East Indies, a Bank Order for £100, which had been sent off two months since, therefore several days before we even began to pray. It was left to me to apply this money as it might be needed. As we had so long and so particularly prayed for the School, Bible, and Missionary Funds, I took the whole of it for them.

October 20th. Tuesday. During these last three days we have again experienced the continued care of our loving Father on behalf of the Orphans. On Saturday evening, when again there was no money at all remaining in my hands, a pair of silver-mounted horns was anonymously left at my house. On the Lord's day I received £6 1s. Yesterday the Lord sent in still more abundantly; for in the morning came in £12, and in the evening £2 was given to me by D. C. This morning, a few minutes after I had been thinking that no potatoes had been sent yet for the Orphans, and that we had no money to lay in a stock, a brother came and informed me that he had given orders that twenty sacks of good potatoes should be sent to the Orphan Houses. Thus our kind Father continually cares for us.

November 8th. Lord's day. To-day the Lord has been again very kind, and looked upon us in our poverty. Besides the £1 10s. for rent, I received with Ecclesiastes 9:10, £5. I was also informed that two large sacks of oatmeal had been sent from Glasgow as a present. In addition to all this, a brother told me that he had it in his heart to give £10 worth of materials, for winter clothes for the children, leaving the material to my choice, according to the need, so that just what was most desirable might be given. There was also 1s. put into the box at Bethesda, with the words, "Jehovah Jireh." These words have often been refreshing to my soul for many years past, and I wrote them with a valuable diamond ring, set with ten brilliants, which was given to the Orphans, upon a pane of glass in my room, which circumstance, in remembrance of the remarkable way in which that valuable ring came, has often cheered my heart, when in deep poverty my eyes have been cast upon "JEHOVAH JIREH" (i.e. the Lord will provide) whilst sitting in my room.

November 19th. Since September 18th, 1838, this has been, perhaps, of all the days the most trying. The poverty has been exceedingly great for the last six days. There had come in no money since yesterday. On this account no bread could be taken in, as far as the natural prospect went. Nor was there any money at three in the afternoon to take in milk for tea, when brother B. came to me. However, we prayed together, and the Lord had mercy. For one of the labourers found that he was able, which he knew not before, to give of his own 10s., so that there were the means to take in the milk, by the time it is usually brought. This evening about six there came in still further 10s. 3d., by the sale of Reports. Thus, by the good hand of our God upon us, we were able to take in bread as usual. How very kind of the Lord that He sent us an abundance of potatoes and two large sacks of oatmeal, before this season of deep poverty, as to pecuniary means, commenced! May the Lord now in great pity look upon us, for we are in deeper poverty than ever, as with every day it increases, whilst there is no full deliverance. Thanks be to the Lord that my mind has been in peace this day also, though our faith has been so very much tried! Thanks to Him that my mind is in peace now, though there is nothing but want on every side before me, respecting to-morrow! Surely, the Lord will again, in His own time, more fully stretch forth His helping hand!

November 20th. Nothing more had come in this morning. It was nearly three o'clock this afternoon, when brother B. called on me, to see whether anything had come in; but I had received nothing. I was obliged to go out with a brother from Devonshire, and therefore requested him to wait till I returned. About a quarter past three I came back, when, among several persons who were waiting at my house to converse with me, there was a sister whom I much desired to see about some church affair. I did so. When I had ended the conversation with her, about half-past three, she gave me £10 for the Orphans. More sweet, and more needed, were none of the previous deliverances. Language cannot express the real joy in God which I had. I was free from excitement. The circumstance did not unfit me even for a single moment to attend to my other engagements. I was not in the least surprised, because, by grace, my soul had been waiting on God for deliverance. Never had help been so long delayed. In none of the houses was milk for tea, and in one even no bread, and there was no money to purchase either. It was only a few minutes before the milkman came, when brother B. arrived at the Orphan Houses with the money. Yet even now it was more than an hour before the usual tea time. The Lord be praised for this deliverance! Such a week of deep poverty as we have had since November 13th, we never had before. Yet, thanks to the Lord! we have lacked nothing, and we have been kept from dishonouring Him by unbelief.

November 27th. This morning I received £4 from a sister in Dublin, before we were really in need; but this donation came very seasonably to meet the large demands of to-morrow, Saturday, for which there is nothing in hand.

December 5th. Saturday morning. Yesterday afternoon a sister left two sovereigns at my house for the Orphans. The Lord, in the love of His heart, remembered our Saturday's necessities, and sent in this supply; for there was only 18s. 6d. in hand when this money came, and £2 12s. is needed for this day. Evening. As there was now again only 6s. 6d. in hand, I gave myself to prayer, and immediately after I had risen from my knees, £1 5s. 6d. was given to me, for things which had been sold, being chiefly articles which had been sent from Stafford.

December 9th. Morning. This is the last day of the fifth year of the Orphan work. Hitherto the Lord has helped us! This morning there was only £1 1s. 9d. in hand, but £1 7s. was needed for the supply of to-day. I therefore opened the box in my house, in which 2s. 6d. was found. This £1 4s. 3d. I sent off to the Orphan Houses. Evening. There came in during this day £1 6s. 6d.; out of this I had to pay away £1 2s., so that now, at the close of the year, though the balance amounts to £15 0s. 6¼d. there is only 4s. 6¼d. in hand, as the rest has been put by for the rent which is due up to this time. With this 4s. 6¼d. we have now to commence the sixth year, leaning upon the living God, who most assuredly during this year also will help us in every way, as our circumstances may call for it.

[The expenditure for the Orphans from December 10th, 1839, to December 10th, 1840, was £900 11s. 2½d.]

This way of living brings the Lord remarkably near. He is, as it were, morning by morning inspecting our stores, that accordingly He may send help. Greater and more manifest nearness of the Lord's presence I have never had, than when after breakfast there were no means for dinner, and then the Lord provided the dinner for more than one hundred persons; or when, after dinner, there were no means for tea, and yet the Lord provided the tea, and all this without one single human being having been informed about our need. This, moreover, I add, that although we, who have been eye-witnesses of these gracious interpositions of our Father, have not been so benefited by them as we might and ought to have been, yet we have, in some measure, derived blessing from them. One thing is certain, that we are not tired of doing the Lord's work in this way.

December 9th, 1840, to May 10th, 1842

December 12th. Only 4s. had come in to meet this day's necessities. Thus we should not have had sufficient means to provide for the dinner in the Girls' Orphan House, had not 6s. come in this morning, just in time to help us through the difficulty. Still we had no means to buy bread, and a few other little things which were needed. In addition to all this it was Saturday, and therefore provisions for two days needed to be procured. About four o'clock this afternoon, one of the sisters in the Orphan Houses, to whom I had some days since sent a little money for her own personal necessities, gave £1. Thus we were able to purchase sufficient provisions to last till breakfast on Monday morning. These last days have been very trying. The poverty has been greater than ever; the Lord, however, has not confounded us, but has strengthened our faith, and always given us necessaries.

December 14th. Though £2 10s. had come in yesterday, there was still not sufficient this morning to buy coals in the Boys' and Girls' Orphan Houses. But the Lord kindly supplied us with means for that also; for there were given to-day six silver teaspoons, and a pair of silver sugar-tongs. I received also £1 10s., which yesterday had been anonymously given for rent. This evening was the first of our public meetings, at which I gave the account of the Lord's dealings with us in regard to this work, during the last year. It was a good season. I felt much assisted by the Lord, and was, through grace, very happy, so that none of those who were present can have read in my countenance that I have nothing at all in hand towards the supply of the necessities of to-morrow. After the meeting this evening 2½d. was left anonymously at my house.

December 15th. The day commenced with 2½d. in hand. My eyes were directed to the living God. I was looking out for help. The greatness of our need led me to expect it. About eleven o'clock I received from Barnstaple a £5 note and half-a-sovereign. Thus the Lord in His faithful love delivered us. Half an hour afterwards I had the report from the Orphan Houses about the state of things to-day, which will show how seasonably the money from Barnstaple came. Brother R. B., master at the Boys' Orphan House, wrote that there was never less bread in the Orphan Houses at any time than this morning, and that both in the Boys' and Infants' Orphan Houses all bread had been cut up for use.

December 19th. Only 11s. 2d. has come in since the day before yesterday. As I had to pay out to-day £6 10s., it being Saturday, we have now again only 5s. 9d. left, which is just enough to meet the expense of a parcel, the arrival of which has been announced.

December 20th. The Lord has again sent in rich supplies. He remembered that there was nothing in hand for the Orphans, and that we, who care for them, desire, through grace, not to be anxiously concerned about the morrow. There came in to-day altogether £6 17s.

December 31st. The Lord has been pleased to send me this year for my temporal necessities £242 8s. 11½d.

January 1st. Since December 20th there has come in not only as much as was needed, but more. During this week we have daily met for prayer, for the special purpose of asking the Lord to give us the means for having the last year's Report printed. It is three weeks since it might have been sent to the press. We felt this now to be a matter of special importance, as, if the Report were not soon printed, it would be known that it arose from want of means. By the donations which came in during these last days for the Orphans, and by £10 which was given to-day for the other funds, we have the means of defraying the expenses of about two-thirds of the printing, and therefore a part of the manuscript was sent off, trusting that the Lord would be pleased to send in more means before two sheets are printed off; but, if not, we should then stop till we have more.—Evening. There came in still further £5; and also 10s., and 3s.

January 11th. Monday. During the last week the Lord not only supplied us richly with all we needed for the Orphans, but enabled us to put by several pounds towards printing the Report. On Saturday evening there was only 3s. 6d. left. On this account I was looking out for answers to my prayers for means, and the Lord did not disappoint me. There came in altogether yesterday £9 16s. 4d. We have now enough even for the last part of the Report. Thus the Lord has been pleased to answer our prayers in this respect also. This afternoon when there was only 2s. 6d. in hand, there came in by sale of articles £3 9s. 6d., and by a donation £5.

January 13th. This morning I had again not one penny in hand for the Orphans, though there was enough for to-day at the Orphan Houses, as I had sent yesterday sufficient for two days. The little stock being exhausted, I had been led to the Lord in prayer for fresh supplies, when soon afterwards a brother called on me, and stated that, in considering the necessities of the poor, on account of the cold season, the Orphans had likewise been brought to his mind, and that he had brought me £15 for them. This afternoon there came in still further £1 from two sisters, as a thankoffering for many mercies during the past year. Likewise £10 "From a friend in Christ for the Orphans' House." Altogether the Lord has been pleased to send in this day £30 2s. 3d., whilst, when the day commenced, I had nothing at all in hand.

January 23rd. This day commenced without anything in hand. In addition to this it was Saturday. About nine o'clock Q. Q. called to see me, but, as I was in prayer with my family she did not stay. About half an hour afterwards she called a second time, and gave £5 for the Orphans, and said, "I bring this because it is Saturday, and it may be needed." This sister was not deterred by not seeing me the first time, because our Father knew we had need of this money.

February 13th. Saturday morning. The Lord sent in yesterday £1 15s., which, though not enough for this day, was a little to commence with. Evening. Scarcely had I sent off this morning the £1 15s. to the Orphan Houses, when I received from Clapham £9 6s. 6d. and 6 yards of calico for the Orphans, so that £1 more, which was needed to meet this day's demands, could be supplied.

We are very poor in reference to the funds for the other Objects, and have now determined to meet daily for prayer, till the Lord may be pleased to send help.

There are now four sisters in the Lord staying at our house. This morning we had only 2s. left of our own money, when there was sent to us for ourselves, from Clapham, a sovereign and 21bs. of tea; and from Manchester 5s. worth of postage stamps. Thus the Lord has kindly helped us for the present.

February 14th. The Lord has had pity, and helped us in some measure. A brother gave me £5 for the first four Objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution.

March 4th. From February 22nd up to this day our necessities in the Day Schools were supplied by thirteen small donations, and by a donation of £8 from Q. Q. To-day I received £15 from A. B. When this arrived there was not one penny in hand for the Day Schools, whilst two days later about £7 would be needed. As the money was not given for any particular part of the work, it was put to this fund. There was also only £2 in the Orphan fund. This money came from a considerable distance, and from a brother who never had assisted in this work before, whereby the Lord afresh shows how easily He can raise up new helpers.

March 19th. I have been for some time again very weak in body, on account of which it appeared to me desirable to take a change. Today I had fully determined to leave, as I am now exceedingly weak; but we had no means for it. This morning there was given to me a cheque for £15, of which £5 is for brother Craik, £5 for myself, and £5 for the Orphans. Thus my way, even as to means, is made quite plain.

March 20th. Nailsworth. When I came here to-day, and heard about the state of the saints here and in the neighbourhood, I could not but think that the Lord had sent me to this place to labour for a season.

March 22nd. Truly God has sent me here! Certain matters, which have been brought to light through my being here, prove it. May the Lord make it still more abundantly plain that He has sent me here!

How to obtain Certain Knowledge of Forgiveness of Sins

A sister in the Lord in Ireland, who did not see her acceptance before God, and who was habitually without the assurance that she is a child of God, that she is born again, that her sins are forgiven, and that she will be saved, in her distress of mind wrote to me about this time. As her case is by no means a solitary one, but as there are so many children of God who do not know that they are children of God; as there are so many whose sins are forgiven who do not know that they are forgiven; and as there are so many who will be saved, who do not know that they will be saved, and who are continually afraid of what would become of them were they to be taken out of the world; I have thought it well to say something here on this most important subject.

Question. How may I obtain the knowledge that I am a child of God, or that I am born again, or that my sins are forgiven, or that I shall not perish, but have everlasting life?

Answer. Not by my feelings, not by a dream, not by my experience being like this or that one's, or unlike this or that one's; but this matter is to be settled, as all other spiritual matters, entirely by the revealed will of God, the written Word of God, which is the only rule, the only standard for believers.

Question. By what passages, then, for instance, may I make out that I am a child of God, or born again?

In Galatians 3:26, it is written: "Ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus." The question is: Do I believe in the Lord Jesus? Do I depend upon Him alone for the salvation of my soul? If so, I am a child of God, whether I feel it or not.

In John 1:11–13, it is written of the Lord Jesus: "He came unto His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, to them gave He power (or the right or the privilege) to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name; which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." The question here again is simply this, Have I received the Lord Jesus, i.e., Do I believe in His name? If so, I am born of God, I am a child of God, else I should never have believed in the Lord Jesus; for none but the children of God do believe in Him.

Question. How may I know that my sins are forgiven? Have I to wait till I feel that they are forgiven, before I may take comfort concerning this matter? Or, must I wait till I have in some powerful way a portion of the Word of God applied to my mind, to assure me of it?

Answer. This point is again only to be settled by the Word of God. We have not to wait till we feel that our sins are forgiven.—I myself have now been a believer for more than nineteen years (i.e. in the year 1845). How long it is, since I have had no doubt whatever about the forgiveness of my sins, I cannot tell with certainty; but of this I am quite sure, that ever since I have been in England, which is now about sixteen years (in 1845), I have never once had a single moment's doubt that my sins are all forgiven; and yet I do not remember that I ever once have felt that they were forgiven. To know that they are forgiven, and to feel that they are forgiven, are two different things.—The way to settle whether our sins are forgiven, is, to refer to the Word of God alone with reference to it. In Acts 10:43, it is written concerning the Lord Jesus, "To Him give all the prophets witness, that through His name whosoever believeth in Him shall receive remission of sins." All the prophets, speaking under the immediate power of the Holy Spirit, bore testimony that through the obedience and sufferings of the Lord Jesus, whereby He becomes our Saviour, all who believe in Him for salvation, who depend upon Him and not upon themselves, who receive Him to be the One whom God declares Him to be, should receive the forgiveness of their sins. The questions therefore to be put to ourselves are simply these: Do I walk in utter carelessness? Do I trust in my own exertions for salvation? Do I expect forgiveness for my sins on account of living a better life in future? Or, do I depend only upon this, that Jesus died upon the cross to save sinners—and that Jesus fulfilled the law of God to make sinners righteous? If the latter is the case, my sins are forgiven, whether I feel it or not. I have already forgiveness. I shall not have it merely when I die, or when the Lord Jesus comes again; but I have it now, and that for all my sins. I must not wait to feel that my sins are forgiven, in order to be at peace, and in order to be happy; but I must take God at His word, I must believe that what He says is true, and He says, "That whosoever believeth in the Lord Jesus should receive remission of sins;" and when I believe what God says, peace and joy will be the result.

Again, in Acts 15:8, 9, it is written in reference to us Gentile sinners: "And God, which knoweth the hearts, bare them witness, giving them the Holy Ghost, even as He did unto us; and put no difference between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith." Here we see how the guilt is to be removed from the heart, how we can get a clean heart, obtain the forgiveness of our sins—even by faith in the Lord Jesus. Depending upon the sufferings of the Lord Jesus in the room of sinners, and depending upon His obedience in fulfilling the law of God, His sufferings are considered as endured by us, His obedience as if found in ourselves: in Him (if we believe on Him) we are considered to have hung on the cross, and therefore were punished in Him, on account of which God, though perfectly holy and just, can forgive us our sins for Jesus' sake, as well as reckon us righteous, through faith in the Lord Jesus, who in the room of those who believe on Him fulfilled the law of God.

Question. How may I know that I shall be saved?

In John 3:16, it is written: "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Notice here in particular: (1) It matters not how great a sinner I am. (2) The promise is positive concerning my salvation, if I believe in the Lord Jesus. (3) I have only to believe in the Lord Jesus. No matter how it may have been with me hitherto; if only now I trust in and depend upon the Lord Jesus for salvation, I shall have everlasting life.

Further, in Acts 16:30, 31, it is written: "Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved."

Further, in John 3:36, it is written: "He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life; and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him." As assuredly as I depend upon and trust in the Lord Jesus for the salvation of my soul, I shall be saved, I have already everlasting life; for He died, to deliver those who believe on Him from the wrath of God, under which all men are in their natural state; but if I do not believe in the Lord Jesus, the wrath of God, which rests upon all men in their natural state, will finally destroy me, if I remain without faith in the Lord Jesus; for then I reject the one only remedy, in refusing to take Jesus as my substitute, who bore the punishment that He might deliver the sinner from it, and who fulfilled the law of God that He might make the sinner who believes on Him a just one before God.

Question. How may I know that I am one of the elect? I often read in the Scriptures about election, and I often hear about election; how may I know that I am a chosen one, that I am predestinated to be conformed to the image of the Son of God?

Answer. It is written: "As many as were ordained (i.e. appointed) to eternal life believed" (Acts 13:48). The question therefore simply is this: Do I believe in the Lord Jesus? Do I take Him to be the One whom God declares Him to be, i.e. His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased? If so, I am a believer, and I should never have believed, except I had been appointed by God to eternal life—except I had been made by God to be a vessel of mercy. Therefore the matter is a very simple one: if I believe in the Lord Jesus, I am a chosen one—I have been appointed to eternal life.

Again, in Rom. 8:29, 30, it is written: "For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover, whom He did predestinate, them He also called: and whom He called, them He also justified; and whom He justified, them He also glorified." How are we justified, or counted just ones, before God? By faith in the Lord Jesus (Rom. 3:20–26). Therefore if I believe in the Lord Jesus, it follows (on account of the inseparable connection of all the precious things spoken of in these two verses), that I have been foreknown by God, that I have been predestinated by Him to be conformed to the image of His Son, that I have been called, that I have been justified, and that, in the sight of God, I am already as good as glorified, though I am not as yet in the actual possession and enjoyment of the glory.

The reason why persons who renounce confidence in their own goodness for salvation, and who only trust in the merits and sufferings of the Lord Jesus, do not know that they are the children of God, that their sins are forgiven, and that they will be saved, generally arises from one of these things: (1) They do not know the simplicity of the gospel; or, (2) They seek to settle it by their feeling; or, (3) They wait for some powerful impulse, or a dream, or something like a voice from heaven to assure them of it, or for some passage being in a powerful way applied to their mind to assure them of it; or, (4) Because they are living in sin. Should the last be the case, then, however correctly we may understand the gospel; however much we may desire by the Holy Scriptures alone to settle these questions; yea, however much in former times we may have enjoyed the assurance of the forgiveness of our sins, or of our being the children of God, or that we shall be saved: in such a state of heart all peace would be gone, and would not return as long as we live in sin. There may be found much weakness and many infirmities even in the believer who has assurance about these points; but the Holy Ghost does not comfort us, and will not comfort us, if we habitually indulge in those things which we know to be contrary to the mind of God. An upright, honest heart is of the utmost importance in all divine things; and especially with reference to the assurance about our standing before God.

April 15th. From March 12th up to this day we had always a little money in hand for the Orphans, so that there was comparatively no trial of faith.

From March 20th, to May 7th, I spent at Nailsworth, where I prepared the second part of my Narrative for the press, and laboured in the Word.

May 7th. I returned with my family to Bristol.

How to be constantly happy in the Lord

While I was staying at Nailsworth. it pleased the Lord to teach me a truth, irrespective of human instrumentality, as far as I know, the benefit of which I have not lost, though now, while preparing the eighth edition for the press, more than forty years have since passed away. The point is this: I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished. For I might seek to set the truth before the unconverted, I might seek to benefit believers, I might seek to relieve the distressed, I might in other ways seek to behave myself as it becomes a child of God in this world; and yet, not being happy in the Lord, and not being nourished and strengthened in my inner man day by day, all this might not be attended to in a right spirit. Before this time my practice had been, at least for ten years previously, as an habitual thing, to give myself to prayer, after having dressed in the morning.