Severe Trials in Early Orphan Work, 1838–1843 (part 2 of 6)
December 28th. This evening the Lord kindly sent help, when we were again destitute of the means of providing for to-morrow. I received £20 (half for the Orphan Fund, and half for the other Funds), with Ecclesiastes 9:10: "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest."
December 29th. A sister, having felt herself particularly stirred up about the Orphans, as she writes, sent this evening £7, £5 from herself, and £2 which had been sent from the East Indies. To the Lord this is to be ascribed, who in answer to our prayers, makes these impressions on the hearts of His children.
The Lord has been pleased to give me during the past year, for my personal needs, £350 4s. 8d.
During no period of my life had I such need of means, on account of my own long illness and that of my dear wife, and on account of the many and particular calls for means, as during the past year; but also during no period of my life has the Lord so richly supplied me.
January 11th. Since December 29th, there came in several donations for the Orphans, so that we were supplied, before what we had in hand was quite gone. On the 7th, however, all our money was again expended, when a brother who is staying here gave me £10. To-day, when this £10 was given out, I received from London £3 7s., and 4s. besides. Thus the Lord, as our need is, sends help, without our asking any one.
January 17th. This afternoon all which was in hand was given for housekeeping, and I was again penniless. The Lord, however, was mindful of this, and in the evening two sovereigns were left anonymously at my house.
January 22nd. A brother, formerly an officer in the navy, who, for Jesus' sake has given up his rank and pay, gave three silver tablespoons, three silver forks, and two teaspoons, to be sold for the benefit of the Orphans. The produce of them, with £1 5s. which has come in besides, enabled us to meet the expenses of to-day and tomorrow.
January 28th. Monday morning. We are now quite reduced as to means for the Orphans. The little which is in hand, has been put by for rent. How the Lord will help us through this day I know not; but I have faith in God. He will help us, though I know not how. By God's help I purpose not to take a single penny of what is in hand, because it is due for rent.—This morning and afternoon there came in from one individual 4s. 6d., and from a sister, who earns her bread by needlework, £1. There was also £1 0s. 10d. taken out of the boxes in the Orphan Houses, which our need had led us to open. Thus we were helped through the day, and have £1 left for to-morrow.
February 1st. There is no money in hand for the Orphans. I am waiting on God. Just when Brother T. had come to tell me that the need for this day would be 19s. 6d., one of the labourers in the work came and gave me £1.
February 3rd. Lord's day. A sister sent from her sick bed this evening £2 for the Orphans, with Ecclesiastes 9:10. Thus the Lord has supplied our need for to-morrow.
February 7th. This day has been one of the most remarkable days as regards the funds. There was no money in hand. I was waiting upon God. I had asked Him repeatedly, but no supplies came. Brother T. called between 11 and 12 o'clock, to tell me that about £1 2s. would be needed, to take in bread for the three houses, and to meet the other expenses; but we had only 2s. 9d., which yesterday had been taken out of the boxes in the Orphan Houses. He went to Clifton to make arrangements for the reception of three Orphans; for though we have no funds in hand, the work goes on, and our confidence is not diminished. I therefore requested him to call on his way back from Clifton, to see whether the Lord might have sent any money in the meantime. When he came I had received nothing, but one of the labourers, having 5s. of his own, gave it. It was now four o'clock. I knew not how the sisters had got through the day. Just before I went out to preach, 5s. was brought to my house, which I took as a token for good. I had been asking the Lord for a passage of the Word to speak from this evening, and at last was directed to Matt. 6:19–34, a subject most applicable to our circumstances.
After the meeting was over, I went to the Girls' Orphan House, to meet with the brethren for prayer, and to give the 5s. which I had received, and to see what could be done. When I arrived there, I found that a box had come for me from Barnstaple. The carriage was paid, else there would have been no money to pay for it. (See how the Lord's hand is in the smallest matters!) The box was opened, and it contained, in a letter from a sister, £10, of which £8 was for the Orphans, and £2 for the Bible Fund; from brethren at Barnstaple, £2 11s. 2d.; and from another brother 5s. Besides this there were in the box various articles of clothing, and also trinkets to be sold. On enquiry, how the sisters had been carried through the day, I found it thus: everything was in the houses which was needed for dinner. After dinner a lady from Thornbury came and bought one of my Narratives and one of the Reports, and gave 3s. besides. About five minutes afterwards the baker came to the Boys' Orphan House. The matron of the Girls' Orphan House, seeing him, went immediately with the 6s. 6d. which she had just received (to prevent his being sent away, as there was no money in hand at the Boys' Orphan House), and bought bread to the amount of 4s. 6d. The two remaining shillings, with the little which was in hand, served to buy bread for the Girls' Orphan House. By the donations sent in the box, I was enabled to give a rich supply to the matrons before the close of the day.
How sweet to see our Father thus caring for us! To a person who has spiritual eyes, what a proof is one such day of the most particular providence of God! And we have had many such days.
February 13th. This afternoon I paid out the last money which we had in hand, and in giving it to brother T. said, "We have now again to look to the Lord for further supplies." This evening £5 was given to me, which had come in under the following circumstances:—A gentleman and lady visited the Orphan Houses, and met at the Boys' Orphan House two ladies who were likewise visiting. One of the ladies said to the matron of the Boys' Orphan House: "Of course, you cannot carry on these institutions without a good stock of funds." The gentleman, turning to the matron said: "Have you a good stock?" She replied: "Our funds are deposited in a bank which cannot break." The tears came into the eyes of the enquiring lady. The gentleman, on leaving, gave to the master of the boys £5, which came in when I had not a penny in hand.
March 5th. Up to this day, since February 16th, the supplies for the Orphans have come in so seasonably, that we were able comfortably to meet all the demands. To-day, however, I knew that there would be again several pounds required, as, besides the daily provisions, there were coals needed, the treacle-casks in two houses were empty, and there was but 5s. in hand. I gave myself therefore to prayer this morning. WHILST I WAS IN PRAYER, Q. Q. sent a cheque for £7 10s. Thus the Lord has again most seasonably helped us out of our difficulty. There came in still further this day, £1 19s. 2d., by the sale of some articles which had been given for the benefit of the Orphans.
March 16th. Saturday. By the good hand of the Lord we are brought to the close of one more week. I have been able to meet all the current expenses for the Orphans, and to pay, besides this, £10 for salaries. Thus a part of what has been due for several weeks to my dear fellow-labourers is defrayed. I have especially prayed within the last ten days that the Lord would be pleased to give me the means for this. I have 2s. 8½d. left.
March 18th. Monday. Last evening £5 came in with Eccles. 9:10. Thus we were again enabled to supply all the necessities of this day.
Pause a few moments, dear reader! Consider how seasonably the Lord sends the supplies! Not once does He forget us! Not once is our need only half supplied! Not once do His supplies come too late! Dear reader, if you have not the like experience of the Lord's watchful care, "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good."
March 22nd. Some trinkets which had been given, and 12s. which was in hand, supplied the need of to-day. Yesterday six sacks of potatoes were sent. We were not able to lay in a stock last autumn (as we had done the two previous autumns), on account of want of means, but in no previous year have we had so many sent.
March 23rd. To-day I received a letter from brother T., who is, on account of his health, in Devonshire, to inform me that a heavy gold chain, a ring set with ten brilliants, a pair of gold bracelets, and £2 have been given to him. He gave a Report to a brother, who, having read it, was thereby stirred up to prayer, and knowing that his believing sister possessed these trinkets, he asked the Lord to incline her heart to give them up for the benefit of our Orphans, which she soon after did. By means of these donations I am able both to meet the remaining expenses of this week, and also to pay £15 which still remains due on account of the salaries. My fellow-labourers not only never ask me for anything, but are willing to part with money, or anything else in the hour of need; nevertheless, I had asked the Lord about this point frequently, and He has now given me my request, whereof I am glad. I received also £5 10s., besides a number of things to be disposed of for the Orphans.
April 9th. I am once more penniless.—A few hours after I had written this, there was given to me by a brother, £2 10s.
April 11th. It is three years to-day since the first Orphans were received. Good indeed has the Lord been to us during these three years! We have lacked nothing! He has sent this day, in a remarkable manner, £5, with the following letter:—
My dear Friend,
"Enclosed is £5 for the Orphan Asylum, the history of which is rather interesting. We have a servant who lived some years ago as kitchenmaid in a noble family (i.e. the master a wealthy member of Parliament, the mistress an earl's daughter). No perquisites were allowed; but the individual in question acted on the same principle as her fellow-servants, and sold kitchen-stuff for her own benefit, which she thinks might amount to £4; and therefore she believes that £5 would fully repay principal and interest. The money is of course due to her former master and mistress, with whom I have had several interviews on the subject. They were disposed that the money should be given to some charity; and in consequence of reading one of the Reports you kindly sent me, the young woman had a great desire that her own repentance might yield fruit to that work of faith and love. Her wishes have been sanctioned by her former mistress. It is rather remarkable that our truly Christian servant had been converted a year and a half, before this individual sin, calling for pecuniary restitution, had come to her remembrance."
April 14th. To-day £5 0s. 8d. came in for the Orphans, £1 of which is one of the most remarkable gifts that we have ever had. A poor brother, with a large family, and small wages (there are eight in the family, and he had 15s. per week till lately, when they were raised to 18s.) put by this money by little and little of what was given him by his master for beer. This brother, who was converted about five years ago, was before that time a notorious drunkard.
July 2nd. To-day there was given me when there was not one shilling in hand, £50 for the School, Bible, and Missionary Fund.
July 15th. Monday. To-day £2 7s. 3d. was needed for the Orphans, but we had nothing. How to obtain the means for a dinner, and for what else was needed, I knew not. My heart was perfectly at peace, and unusually sure of help, though I knew not in the least whence it was to come. Before brother T. came, I received a letter from India, written in May, with an order for £50 for the Orphans. I had said last Saturday to brother T., that it would be desirable to have £50, as the salaries of all my fellow-labourers are due, the three treacle-casks empty, all the provision stores exhausted, several articles of clothing needed, and worsted for the boys to go on with their knitting. Now the Lord has sent exactly £50. Moreover this money comes very seasonably, as in three days I shall have to leave Bristol for some days, and can now go comfortably, as regards leaving means behind.
In the afternoon of this same day I met at a brother's house with several believers, when a sister said that she had often thought about the care and burden I must have on my mind, as regards obtaining the necessary supplies for so many persons. As this may not be a solitary instance, I would state, that, by the grace of God, this is no cause of anxiety to me. The children I have years ago cast upon the Lord. The whole work is His, and it becomes me to be without carefulness. In whatever points I am lacking, in this point I am able, by the grace of God, to roll the burden upon my Heavenly Father. Though now (July, 1845) for about seven years our funds have been so exhausted, that it has been comparatively a rare case that there have been means in hand to meet the necessities of the Orphans for three days together; yet have I been only once tried in spirit, and that was on September 18th, 1838, when for the first time the Lord seemed not to regard our prayer. But when He did send help at that time, and I saw that it was only for the trial of our faith, and not because He had forsaken the work, that we were brought so low, my soul was so strengthened and encouraged, that I have not only not been allowed to distrust the Lord since that time, but I have not even been cast down when in the deepest poverty. We can expect nothing but that our faith will yet be tried, and it may be more than ever; and we shall fall, if the Lord does not uphold us.
August 5th. Monday. On Saturday and yesterday morning I had repeatedly asked the Lord to send us help, as there was not a penny in hand for the need of to-day. Yesterday morning a brother gave me two sovereigns, and in the evening I received two more. Besides this, there was £4 10s. anonymously given for three weeks' rent for the Orphan Houses, also 10s. by a brother, and 9s. came in for needlework of the children; so that altogether £9 9s. came in yesterday.
August 12th. Monday. The Lord has again kindly sent £11. Of this sum, £10 came in from Q. Q., when again there was not one penny in hand. We have now supplies for about four days.
August 19th. Monday. This has been again a day in which our faith has been particularly tried; but even this day we have not been confounded. Not one penny was in hand when the day began. We had therefore now, for more than one hundred persons, again to look to the Lord. But this I must say, to the praise of the Lord, my soul was perfectly at peace. I meant to have gone very early to the Orphan Houses to meet with my fellow-labourers for prayer; but, as one person after the other called upon me, I was kept from it the whole morning. When brother T. called upon me between 12 and 1 o'clock for money, I had none to give. In the afternoon at four I was able to meet with the brethren and sisters. When I came to the Girls' Orphan House, I found that one of those children, for the reception of whom we had given notice, had been brought from Bath, and with him was sent £1 5s. After the meeting was over, one of the labourers gave 10s. By means of this £1 15s. we were able for this day also to provide everything needful.
August 21st. Nothing had come in since yesterday. There would have been needed 13s. to have taken in the usual quantity of bread. After we had prayed, one of the labourers who had contributed yesterday and the day before, gave to-day 5s. more. This helped us to buy milk; but, in one of the houses, the usual quantity of bread could not be taken in.
August 22nd. In my morning walk, when I was reminding the Lord of our need, I felt assured that He would send help this day. My assurance sprang from our need; for there seemed no way to get through the day, without help being sent. After breakfast I considered whether there was anything which might be turned into money for the dear children. Among other things, there came under my hands a number of religious pamphlets which had been given for the benefit of the Orphans; but all seemed not nearly enough to meet the necessities of the day. In this our deep poverty, after I had gathered together the few things for sale, a sister, who earns her bread by the labour of her hands, brought £82. This sister has seen it to be binding upon believers in our Lord Jesus to act out His commandments: "Sell that ye have (sell your possessions) and give alms" (Luke 12:33); and "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth" (Matt. 6:19). Accordingly she had drawn her money out of the bank and stocks, being £250, and had brought it to me at three different times for the benefit of the Orphans, the Bible, Missionary, and School Fund, and the poor saints. About two months ago she brought me £100 more, being the produce of some other possession which she had sold, the half of which was to be used for the School, Bible, and Missionary Fund; and the other half for the poor saints. This £82 which she had brought to-day is the produce of the sale of her last earthly possession.—(At the time I am preparing the seventh edition for the press, more than twenty-nine years have passed away, and this sister has never expressed the least regret as to the step she took, but goes on, quietly labouring with her hands, to earn her bread.)—But even now, when this money was given, I left it in the hands of the Lord, whether any part of it should be applied for the Orphans. I asked the sister, therefore, whether she wished the money to be spent in any particular way, as she had expressed her wish about the former sums. This time she left it with me, to lay out the money as I thought best. I took, therefore, half of it for the Orphans, and half for the other Objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution.
Visit to Plymouth
From September 16th to September 28th we were at Teignmouth, my former field of labour. I had not seen the brethren, among whom I used to labour, since May, 1833. The Lord gave me strength many times to minister in the Word among them, during the time of my stay there. At Teignmouth also, I had, in some respects, reason to be glad, particularly in that I saw some of those truths practised, and that more fully and intelligently, which, though in much weakness and indistinctly, I had sought to set forth whilst labouring there. The saints there showed us much love.
Benefits of Early Rising
On September 28th we left Teignmouth for Plymouth. During my stay there I was stirred up afresh to early rising, a blessing, the results of which I have not lost since. That which led me to it was the example of the brother in whose house I was staying, and a remark which he made in speaking on the sacrifices in Leviticus, "That as not the refuse of the animals was to be offered up, so the best part of our time should be especially given to communion with the Lord." I had been, on the whole, rather an early riser during former years. But since my head had been so weak, I thought, that, as the day was long enough for my strength, it would be best for me not to rise early, in order that thus my head might have the longer quiet. On this account I rose only between six and seven, and sometimes after seven. After I had heard the remark to which I have alluded, I determined, that whatever my body might suffer, I would no longer let the most precious part of the day pass away, while I was in bed. By the grace of God I was enabled to begin the very next day to rise earlier, and have continued to rise early since that time. I allow myself now about seven hours' sleep, which, though I am far from being strong, and have much to tire me mentally, I find quite sufficient to refresh me.
Any one need but make the experiment of spending one, two, or three hours in prayer and meditation before breakfast, either in his room, or with his Bible in his hand in the fields, and he will soon find out the beneficial effect which early rising has upon the outward and inward man. I beesech all my brethren and sisters into whose hands this may fall, and who are not in the habit of rising early, to make the trial, and they will praise the Lord for having done so.
October 1st. Plymouth. To-day my soul was again especially drawn out in prayer for the dear Orphans. I not merely asked the Lord that He would still continue to supply their need, but I was so fully assured that He had sent the necessary means since I last heard, that I was enabled to praise Him for having done so. Immediately after I had praised Him, but while I was yet on my knees, came a letter from brother T., dated Bristol, September 29th, in which he writes thus:—
"The Lord's help has been graciously continued to us. Ever since you left, the supplies have come in so seasonably, that I have not had occasion to open, until now, the boxes in the Orphan Houses. I have in hand £1 3s. 8¾d., to be multiplied as the Lord wills. I had written thus far, and was on the point of writing that we expected sister E. home this evening, when the door-bell rang, and sister E. came in, bringing a little packet of money, directed to you from Hereford, enclosing a letter and ten sovereigns 'for your labours of faith and love;' so that the remainder of the barrel of meal has been multiplied somewhat already. It is most seasonable help! It rejoices me that it has come in time for you to have the intelligence with this letter."
On October 17th I returned to Bristol, with renewed strength, for active service.
October 17th. Bristol. The Lord has been again very gracious as regards the funds; within the last days, several pounds had come in; and yesterday, over and above all this, arrived £15 from London for some articles which had been sent there to be sold. What can we render unto the Lord for all His benefits!
October 19th. The Lord is still pouring in bountifully! This morning £10 was sent from Worcester, and a sister brought £7, being the produce of the sale of ladies' baskets, which she and some other sisters are making for the benefit of the Orphans. This last case shows what various means the Lord uses to provide for our need; yet all comes, without one single individual being asked to give help; for to the Lord alone we speak about our need. We are now again comparatively rich, i.e. we have means in hand to meet the current expenses of about eight days, which has been only two or three times the case during the last fifteen months.
October 30th. A little boy brought me a letter, given to him by a gentleman and lady in the street, as he said, to take to my house. The letter contained these words with a five-pound note: "The enclosed £5 accept for the benefit of the Orphans, in the name of the Lord Jesus."
November 11th. Monday morning. Yesterday, when there was not a penny in hand, there was given to me, with Ecclesiastes 9:10, ten shillings. This morning there came in £1 10s. more. Soon afterwards a note was sent to me from the Orphan Houses, to say that the need of to-day would be £3. JUST WHILE I WAS READING THE NOTE I received another, enclosing a sovereign, which a sister from Devonshire had given to one of the brethren for the Orphans. Thus I had just the £3 which was needed. A few minutes after came in 1s. more.
November 12th. The need of to-day was £2. As only 1s. had been left in hand yesterday, and no more than 6s. had come in, we were again in a strait. But I was not looking at the little in hand, but at the fulness of God. I sent off the little which I had. In the afternoon we met for prayer. I then found that 2s. 6d. had been taken out of the box in the Infants' Orphan House, and that 4s. more had come in by the sale of some old books. To this one of the labourers added 2s. 3d., all she had of her own. After prayer there came in 2s. 6d., which was given while we were in prayer. In the evening we met again for prayer, when another labourer gave 3s. 4d. Thus, in our deep poverty, we got together this day £1 0s. 7d., which supplied our absolute necessities. We were this afternoon so reduced, till the Lord sent a little help, that there were no means to provide breakfast for to-morrow, for the children in the Boys' Orphan House.
November 13th. Nothing has come in. Our need is even greater today than yesterday, on account of our not having been able yesterday to take in the usual quantity of provisions. In this our need I packed up the books, which had been intended for sale on August 22nd, when the Lord sent such a rich supply before they were actually disposed of. To them one of the labourers added some of his own, and a few other articles. Also some old jackets, which had been sent, were packed up to be disposed of. At twelve I met with my fellowlabourers for prayer.
There was everything in the houses which was needed for dinner, but there were no means to get milk for tea. (The children have milk and water at tea time.) Three of my helpers went out to dispose of the articles. At four in the afternoon I received the information that 14s. had come in, for some of the things which were disposed of. One of my fellow-labourers had besides disposed of an article of his own for £1 5s. This £1 19s. enabled us to take in bread as usual, and to defray the other necessary expenses. We had never been lower in means than yesterday and to-day. Yet my soul, thanks to the Lord! was also yesterday and to-day in perfect peace. My helpers seem also quite in peace. This evening I received 2s. 6d., and 11s., with Ecclesiastes 9:10. This little money is as precious, as at other times £100 would have been, because it is a fresh proof that our Father still cares for us. The money was given to me just after I had been speaking on these words: "But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me." Whilst speaking I was able, in a measure, to realize the preciousness of the truth contained in those words, and after speaking my Father gave me a fresh proof that He is thinking upon me.
November 15th. We are still in deep poverty. Nothing had come in by four o'clock in the afternoon, when I went to meet with my fellowlabourers for prayer. I did not go in the morning, because I knew that there was everything which was needed till the afternoon. When I came I found there had been supplied that which was absolutely needed for to-day. We are still of good course. We are sure that the Lord, in His own time, will deliver us out of the trial; for were our poverty more than a trial of faith, had the Lord in anger shut up His hands, we should not receive anything at all. But this is not the case. For even this very day two sacks of potatoes were sent by the same brother who sent twenty sacks a few days since, with the promise to send still more. We have no means to lay in a stock for the winter, else we should have bought, perhaps, fifty or sixty sacks; but our kind Father does it for us.
November 16th. Our prayer was last evening, in particular, respecting the necessities of to-day, as two days' provisions would be needed, it being Saturday. Besides this, about £2 10s. was needed to pay the weekly salaries of the brethren and sisters who labour in the Day Schools. For all these demands there was nothing in hand, nor have we any more needless articles to dispose of; and useful ones we do not consider it right to sell, as our Father knows our need. When we met about twelve o'clock this morning, I found that last evening there had been Bibles unexpectedly sold to the amount of £1 11s. 6d., and about 10s. had been given besides. Thus we had nearly enough for the School Fund. Moreover, 15s. had come in for the Orphan Fund. A large sea-chest was given by a brother several months since, for the benefit of the Orphans, which had never been disposed of, and which, in this our great need, was sold for 15s. Yet this 15s. was needed to pay what was due for washing; and therefore, we had still nothing to take in provisions with. It occurred to one of the labourers, that there might be a little advanced on his watch, of the money which had been laid by for rent, as had once or twice before been done; and that the watch might be sold at quarter-day, in case there should not come in enough to make up the deficiency. Yet even this plan we did not any longer think to be quite scriptural, as he needs the watch in the Lord's service, and as our Lord is so kind, that He would otherwise send us means, were it well for us. In short, it appeared to us quite clear that, while we ought, in such a strait, to dispose of things which we do not need, nothing ought to be disposed of which is needed, in order that the Lord's own deliverance might be so much the more manifest. All we could think of for sale was five pewter dishes, which had been given nearly four years ago, but which were never used, as they were not convenient. These we agreed should be sold. About four o'clock this afternoon I received £2 2s., which a brother and sister had brought from Leicestershire. With this I went joyfully to the Orphan Houses. There I found that 9s. 6d. had come in for the pewter dishes; one of the labourers had given 10s. for the Orphans and 10s. for the School Fund. We are now brought to the close of one more week. This has been, perhaps, of all the weeks the most trying. So much prayer, and so little coming in, I never knew. Yet, by the grace of God, I was sure that help would come, after the trial of faith was over. During the whole of this week, greatly as we have been tried, and though twice no stock of bread could be taken in, yet there has been nourishing food at every meal, and neither the children nor any other person can have perceived our poverty. About £13 has been spent even this week for housekeeping in the three Houses.
November 20th. This has been a day of deep poverty. Nothing but 13s. came in yesterday, which was scarcely enough to meet that day's usual need My mind, by the grace of God, was not at all cast down; but I felt it rather trying, that the abundance of my other engagements had not allowed me to meet with my fellow-labourers, either yesterday or to-day, for prayer. This evening I had a note from the Boys' Orphan House, to state that a lady had sent two dozen of boys' shirts, which she had made herself, with which she sent 5s. to get them washed. This 5s. enabled us to meet that which was absolutely needful. Without this 5s. we should have been unable to procure all that was absolutely needed. This our kind Father knew, and therefore He sent it.
November 22nd. Our poverty had now become very great, greater it had never been. Yet, the Lord be praised! I was as comfortable as ever; for I was sure we were only for the trial of our faith in this state. Had the Lord shut up His hand in anger, He would not have continued to give us, even during this week, from time to time, tokens of His care over us. I said this morning: "Man's extremity is God's opportunity" is a proverb of the world, and how much more may we, His children, now look to Him in our great need. I knew we must have help in some way, as now it had come to the greatest extremity, there being in none of the houses anything for dinner, except potatoes, of which we have an abundance. At ten this morning I was informed that a large box had arrived at one of the Orphan Houses. I set off immediately, and found it was from the neighbourhood of Wolverhampton. It contained £12 for the Orphans, £1 11s. 10d. for the other funds, several lengths of dress materials, and numerous trinkets to be Bold for the benefit of the Orphans. The joy which I and my fellow-labourers had when these things lay before us, cannot be described; it must be experienced in order that it may be known. It was two hours and a half before the dinner time, when the help was granted. The Lord knew that the Orphans had no dinner, and, therefore, did He now send help.
December 4th. It has been repeatedly our prayer during the last month and in the beginning of this, that the Lord would be pleased to give us again so much means, before the time of the public meetings, which are fixed for the 10th, 11th, and 12th of this month, that, when we speak about His dealings with us during the year, we might also respecting the close of it have again to speak to His praise, of the abundance which we had in hand. At the end of last year we made the same request, and the Lord granted it. Now to-day, as an answer to this our often repeated request, I received from the East Indies £100, to be laid out for the Orphans, or the other Objects of the Institution.
December 9th, 1839, to December 9th, 1840
On December 10th, 11th, and 12th, we had public meetings, at which the account of the Lord's dealings with us in reference to the Orphan Houses and the other Objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution was given.
[The expenditure for the Orphans from December 10th, 1838, to December 10th, 1839, was £960 9s. 2¾d.]
December 31st. As to my temporal supplies, the Lord has been pleased to give me during the past year, £313 2s. 5d.
January 1st. Our usual meeting last night was most precious! We continued together from seven till half past twelve. Of all the similar meetings which we have had, it was, according to my judgment, by far the best. Not more than five prayed; but there was much more real prayer than at former meetings.—This morning, about one hour after midnight, when our prayer meeting was over, I received a paper with some money sealed up in it for the Orphans. A few minutes afterwards I remembered that the individual who gave it was in debt, and I was aware she had been repeatedly asked by her creditors for payment; I resolved therefore, without opening the paper, to return it, as no one has a right to give whilst in debt. This was done when I knew that there was not enough in hand to meet the expenses of the day. About eight this morning a brother brought £5, which he had received just then from his mother, for tins Orphans. Observe, the brother was led to bring it at once! The Lord knew our need, and therefore this brother could not delay bringing the money.
January 25th. I have been much in prayer this week about going to Germany: (1) To see certain brethren who purpose to go as Missionaries to the East Indies; and (2) To see my father once more. I am led to go just now, because my health is again so failing, that it seems desirable I should leave Bristol at all events, and thus I could continue to serve in the work of the Lord, and yet attend to the benefit of my health at the same time. Lord, keep me from making a mistake in this matter.
January 31st. Since January 22nd several small donations came in for the Orphans, and several pounds by the sale of silver articles, trinkets, etc. But as I have to pay out to-day £11 13s. we are now again very poor. For many days past we have been so helped, that money has always come in, before all was spent. Now there is only 1s. 5d. in hand. The Lord will provide! I feel quite comfortable, though in three days I shall have to leave the work for several weeks.—About three hours after I had written the above, came in £1 14s. 1½d. In the afternoon I received still further from Tottenham, for the Orphans, £10. and in the evening from Hereford £30, of which latter sum there was £6 for the Orphans, and £24 for the other Objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution. Thus the Lord will kindly allow me to leave a little money behind on my departure, and I have also a still further answer to my prayer for means to purchase Bibles, for which I have asked the Lord repeatedly, and which He began to answer by the donation which I received on the 22nd. I have received £5 besides for the other Objects.
February 1st. I have now felt quite sure for several days past, that I should leave Bristol for a season, and go to Germany.
February 2nd. There has come in still further, nearly £9 for the Orphans. How kind of the Lord to send this money just now, on the eve of my leaving home.
February 3rd. I left for Berlin.
Last Visit to his Father
I left Berlin on the evening of the 20th for Magdeburg, which I reached on the morning of the 21st, and on the same evening I arrived at my father's house.—In all human probability I now see my dear father the last time. He is evidently much weaker than he was two years ago, and coughs much more. What has the Lord done for me since I lived in the house where I am now! The two rooms where I am now most in prayer, reading the Word, and confessing His name, were those very rooms in which I sinned most, whilst living here many years ago. I have had again opportunity most fully to bring out the truth about the work of the Lord Jesus before my father, whilst conversing a long time with a woman in his hearing, to whom I showed from the Scriptures, that we are to be saved, not by our own works, but simply by faith in the Lord Jesus, who bore the punishment instead of us, and who fulfilled the law in our room.
February 26th. This morning I left Heimersleben. I took leave of my father most probably for the last time. It has been a great pleasure to me, and I consider it a great privilege, to have been permitted by the Lord once more to see my father, once more personally to show him filial love and regard, and once, more to set the truth before him. He has been again during the whole of this my stay most affectionate to me, as he was during my two former visits to him since I left the Continent to reside in England. How cheerfully should I have left him this morning did I know him to be safe in Jesus! But alas! he as yet is not resting upon Christ, though he is so far religious as to read prayers and the Bible.
Brother Kroll received me with much affection. When this brother first came to Sandersleben in 1829, there was scarcely a single true Christian besides his master in the little town. Soon afterwards he began to hold meetings, which were attended by the two or three who loved the Lord Jesus. These meetings were for a long time suffered to go on quietly; but when the Lord blessed them, and others were stirred up to care for their souls, brother Kroll had to appear before the magistrates, and was forbidden to hold them. When this was of no effect (as he considered that he ought only to obey earthly rulers in things in which he could do so with a good conscience), and they continued still to meet together; the police came into one of their meetings, and forced them to discontinue it. When even this availed nothing, the brethren were finally threatened that every one who attended these meetings should pay three thalers, and every one who read or spoke at them should pay five, which is a large sum in Germany for poor people. But notwithstanding all these obstacles, the few poor saints continue their meetings, but in secret, to be unmolested by the police. They have now neither a stated place nor a fixed time for their meetings.
Runs the risk of Imprisonment for Preaching
On the second and third evenings, whilst I was at Sandersleben, I met with them. On the second evening we were in the room of a poor weaver. The dear brethren would have me sit on the only chair which was in the room. It was a very small room, perhaps twice as large as the loom which was in it. There were about twenty-five or thirty persons present, many of whom had seated themselves in and under the loom, and the rest sat on two or three little forms. These meetings were very precious. The very fact of going to them with the feeling of having to pay the fine, or to suffer an adequate imprisonment, should one be found there, makes them to be doubly valued; and I believe that the Lord's double blessing rests upon them. I spoke long both times; indeed, as long as I had strength, and the dear people seemed to eat the Word.—I have so circumstantially related these facts, that thereby the children of God in Great Britain may be led more highly to value their religious privileges, and to make good use of them whilst they are continued.
March 9th. I arrived this evening in peace at Bristol, and found my dearest wife and all in peace. Truly, the Lord has abundantly blessed me and them while I have been from home.
During the whole time of my absence the Lord not only supplied all the need of the Orphans, but on my return I found more in hand than there was when I left. The donations, which came in during my absence, amount to between £80 and £90.
March 22nd. To-day, when there was not a penny in hand for the Orphans, I received the following donations: £3 as the produce of the sale of ladies' baskets, an old crown piece, an old half-crown piece, and a Spanish dollar. Also 1s. With Eccles. 9:10, was given £2 10s.
March 25th. All money was now again given out, when there came in by sale of Reports 8s. 9d., and in small donations £1 5s. 11d.
Declines to disclose State of Funds
March 26th. On the 17th I received the following letter, from a brother who several times helped us: and who also two months since sent £30.
"I have received a little money from ——. Have you any present need for the Institution under your care? I know you do not ask, except indeed of Him whose work you are doing; but to answer when asked seems another thing, and a right thing. I have a reason for desiring to know the present state of your means towards the objects you are labouring to serve, viz., should you not have need, other departments of the Lord's work, or other people of the Lord, may have need. Kindly then inform me, and to what amount, i.e., what amount you at this present time need, or can profitably lay out."
At the time when this letter came, we were indeed in need, or at least it was desirable, as far as I had light, to have means, as I was just on the point of establishing an Infants' School, and as again Bibles were needed in order to go on with the circulation of the Scriptures. Also in the Orphan Fund there was only 2s. 3½d. Nevertheless I considered that, as I have hitherto acted (i.e., telling the Lord alone about our need), I ought to continue to do, as otherwise the principal object of the work, to be a help to the saints generally, by seeking to lead them to increased dependence upon God alone, through this Institution, would be frustrated. I answered therefore the letter, in substance, as follows:
"Whilst I thank you for your love and whilst I agree with you that in general, there is a difference between asking for money, and answering when asked, nevertheless in our case I feel not at liberty to speak about the state of our funds, as the primary object of the work in my hands is, to lead those who are weak in faith to see that there is reality in dealing with God alone."
After having sent off the answer I was again and again led to pray to the Lord in this way: "Lord, thou knowest that for Thy sake I did not tell this brother about our need. Now Lord, show afresh that there is reality in speaking to Thee only about our need, and speak therefore to this brother, so that He may help us."
To-day, in answer to this my request, this brother sent £100, of which sum I shall take £20 for the Orphans, and £20 for each of the other Objects. Thus I have means for establishing the Infants' School, and for ordering more Bibles. Also the Orphans are again supplied for a week; for when the money came in there was not one penny in hand for them.
Death of his Father
April 7th. This evening I received information from my little halfbrother that my dear father died on March 30th. He was taken worse a few days after I left him. How kind of the Lord to have allowed me once more to see him! Had I gone to Germany at the time I first intended, he would most likely not have been alive to see me.—As I know not of one believer in the whole town where he lived, I cannot for a certainty ascertain anything about his state before his death; but that which I do know gives me no proof of his having died in the faith of Christ. As to myself, I am sure of this, that it becomes me to adore that wonderful grace which plucked me as a brand out of the burning, and to say in reference to my dear departed father: "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" and in submission to the will of God to be satisfied with His dealings. This, through grace, I am able to do. Every true believer who has unconverted parents, for whose spiritual welfare he is concerned, can understand what joy it would have been to me to have heard a satisfactory account of a true change of heart in my dear father before his end; but as it has been otherwise, I know nevertheless that God will be eternally glorified even in this dispensation. During no period did I pray more frequently or more earnestly for the conversion of my dear aged parent, than during the last year of his life; but, at all events, it did not please the Lord to let me see the answer to my prayers.
On April 19th we preached for the last time in Gideon Chapel. (Two years and a half afterwards, in October, 1842, we rented a more suitable Chapel [Salem] in the heart of the city.)
April 27th. Monday. The Lord knew that we were penniless, and should be in need of fresh supplies to-day for the Orphans, therefore He moved the hearts of some of His children to remember us, in answer to our prayer. Yesterday I received with Eccles. 9:10, £5, and 10s. from a sister who had lent this sum to some one, but never expected it again; and now, having unexpectedly received it, gave it to the Lord for the Orphans. For the rent of the Orphan Houses there came in £1 10s.
May 2nd. Nothing having come in for five days, we were to-day again penniless. In answer to prayer, 5s. 6d. came in, and some trinkets were sent; what these were the donor does not wish to be known. Thus we were helped through this day. Observe here, how the Lord allowed five days to pass away without influencing the hearts of any to send us supplies; but the moment there is real need, the stream runs again.
May 4th. By what came in yesterday, we were supplied for to-day; but the Lord sent to-day still more, as that which came in yesterday was only enough for to-day. There was given in money £7, of which £3 was the profit on the sale of ladies' baskets, which are made by some sisters in the Lord for the benefit of the Orphans.
Last evening a brother was baptized, who on the first Lord's day of this year came with his intended wife to Bethesda Chapel. Both were in an unconverted state. They both were at the same meeting, through what brother Craik said, made to feel the power of the truth, and, in consequence, wore led to Jesus and found peace in Him, and are now both in communion with us.—The Lord still condescends to use us as instruments. To-day we conversed with seven persons about fellowship, and had to send away five, being worn out after we had seen the seven, one after the other. Only since April 1st, fortyone persons have come to us to speak about their souls. May the Lord in mercy give us helpers in the work, for truly the harvest is great; and may not our ingratitude for His abundant blessing upon our labours oblige Him to shut up His hands from continuing to use us!