Severe Trials in Early Orphan Work, 1838–1843 (part 6 of 6)
On December 18th, 1842, I received a reply to my letter. It was begun to be written on December 8th, but finished on the 16th. I give a few extracts from it:
"Since I last saw you, I have not had the slightest doubt as to what I ought to do: the Word of God has been so clear to me on this head, that I have been kept resting on it; and, in answer to your prayers, no temptation has been allowed to prevail; indeed, I think I may add, to arise. But I feel that temptations may come, and that I may in seasons of trial not always have faith to be able to rejoice in this privilege. My heart is so deceitful and my faith so weak, that I shall greatly need your prayers still. Will you, then, if the Lord enables you, pray that I may never offend my Father by regretting in the least measure this act of obedience, which He has by His grace inclined me to carry out. I shall pray the Lord still to lay me on your heart. I felt so sure that you were helped to pray for me, that I had thanked the Lord for His grace. I am glad you did not write, although I much value your advice; but I wished to be led by the Lord alone, after He had used you as the instrument in the first instance, and in such a way too, that I am quite sure He intended to bless you to my soul in this matter. I have asked my heart whether I am really doing this to Him. My heart assures me that I am, and not from any other motive than obedience to the written Word. Before I ever saw you I had asked the Lord to make me willing to give this little sum into your hands, if it were His will I should; but His time to make me willing had not then come; even then I had in a measure given it to you, having written a paper, desiring in case I should fall asleep in Jesus that you might get possession of it; I had it signed by two witnesses, and I always carried it about with me when I travelled, sealed and directed to you. When I wrote this, I little thought what grace the Lord had in store for me. You will forgive my being thus tedious, but I am sure you will praise the Lord with me for His gracious dealings with me. Etc."
At the end of this letter, the sister tells me, that unexpectedly a hindrance had arisen to her having possession of the money, so that it was not likely it could be paid over to me till about the end of January, 1843.
When this letter came, it would have been naturally a great disappointment to me, as the sister had told me in a previous letter that the money should be paid into my hands, and as just at that time in a variety of ways it was desirable that I should have considerable sums. The Lord, however, enabled me immediately to lay hold on that word, "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Rom. 8:28), and my soul was in peace, though we had only enough money in hand to provide for one or at the most for two days the necessary provisions in the Orphan Houses. It was but the next day, December 19th, 1842, when I received £100 from A. B., and on December 22nd, I received £50 from a brother in Bristol, besides other donations: so that within one week, after I had had grace to delight myself in the will of God, He gave me about £200, whereby I was able to meet all the heavy expenses of replenishing the stores, etc., on account of which I should naturally have been tried in the payment of the money being delayed.
In reply I wrote another letter on December 31st, 1842, of which I give an extract on this subject:
"The hand of the Lord is indeed most manifestly to be seen in this matter, concerning the money; the way in which your own mind was led; my speaking under the circumstances as I did, when you had already risen to leave the room; the reason why I did so, i.e., mere sympathy with your circumstances, and thinking that some day or other my brotherly offer might be a comfort to you, though you should never need it, and all this when I believed that at that time you did not possess £5.—I have continued to pray for you, or rather the Lord has enabled me every day once, twice, thrice, or even more, to remember you. The burden of my prayer still has been, that He would be pleased to make you very happy in Himself, and enable you to enter into the inheritance which awaits you; further, that you may not be permitted in the least to regret the step which you have taken, but rather consider it a privilege to be permitted to give this little sum back to Him who gave it to you, and who gave Himself for you.—With reference to the delay, I cannot but rejoice. This gives you abundant opportunity to ponder the matter, and afterwards to state to any (who, judging as those who know not how rich the saints are, might blame you), that you did not do the thing in haste. I consider this delay to be for the furtherance of the honour of the Lord. You know my advice to you, to wait at least a fortnight. That you have seen much of your unfaithfulness, etc., I consider to be an especial blessing which the Lord has bestowed upon you, lest this step you have taken should become a snare to you. Humblings last our whole life. Jesus came not to save painted but real sinners; but He has saved us, and will surely make it manifest. I have a passage laid on my heart for you; read the whole of it carefully: 2 Cor. 8:1–9, especially verse 9. Etc."
Day after day now passed away and the money did not come. The month of January had come to an end, and February also, and the money had not come. Thus more than one hundred and twenty days had gone by, whilst day by day I brought my petition before the Lord, that He would bless this sister, keep her steadfast in her purpose, and entrust me with this money for His work in my hands. Amidst it all my heart was assured (judging from the earnestness which He had given me in prayer, and that I had only desired this matter to the praise of His name), that in His own time He would bring it about. But I never wrote one single line to the sister on the subject all this time. At last, on the one hundred and thirty-fourth day after I had daily besought the Lord about this matter, on March 8th, 1843, I received a letter from the sister, informing me that the £500 had been paid into the hands of my bankers.
I now wrote to the sister to enquire, whether she wished the money to be expended upon any particular objects, or whether she would leave me free to expend it, as I might be led. In reply to this she wrote me:
Dear Brother,
"I would still leave this little sum in the hands of Him to whom it has been given. May He alone be your guide in disposing of it. If I did express one wish, it would be that you would make use of a part for your own or your family's present necessity."
This latter point I declined entirely, thinking it not wise to take a part of this money for myself, to avoid even the appearance that in any measure I had sought my own things in this matter, instead of the things of Jesus Christ.
The £500 was thus portioned out: £100 for the School, Bible, Missionary and Tract Fund; £50 for the Employment Fund, and £50 for the Orphan Fund. [The way the remainder was used will be seen in the next chapter.]
And now I only give a few lines of a letter which I received on July 3rd, 1844, from the sister who gave this donation, in order that I may show her state of mind on the subject, after she had had it more than twenty months before her, and after she had for sixteen months actually given up the money. She writes thus: "I am thankful to say that I have never for one moment had the slightest feeling of regret; but it is wholly of the Lord's abounding grace. I speak it to His praise."